FEELINGS... Nothing More Than Feelings...

In Hinds Feet for HighPlaces Hannah Hurnard tells the story of Much Afraid and her desperate attempt to be free from her emotionally abusive Family of Fearings.

 Her cousin, Craven Fear is the worst.

 He bullies Much Afraid and tells her she will never be anything more than a limping, dwarfed, good-for-nothing loser. And every time she starts to make progress towards the High Places, Craven Fear shows up and tries to browbeat her into going back to the Valley of Humiliationwhere the rest of the fearing family lives.

 For awhile, Much Afraid cowers in Craven Fear’s presence until she realizes that every single time she cries out for the Good Shepherd He shows up and Craven Fear flees.

Much Afraid soon learns that although the Good Shepherd will be with her at all times, she alone must choose to face the pain required to get to the High Places. The following excerpt explains the process well:

“She bent forward to look, then gave a startled little cry and drew back. There was indeed a seed lying in the palm of his hand, but it was shaped exactly like a long, sharply-pointed thorn… ‘The seed looks very sharp,’ she said shrinkingly. ’Won’t it hurt if you put it into my heart?’

He answered gently, ‘It is so sharp that it slips in very quickly. But, Much-Afraid, I have already warned you that Love and Pain go together, for a time at least. If you would know Love, you must know pain too.’

Much-Afraid looked at the thorn and shrank from it. Then she looked at the Shepherd’s face and repeated his words to herself. ’When the seed of Love in your heart is ready to bloom, you will be loved in return,’ and a strange new courage entered her. She suddenly stepped forward, bared her heart, and said, ‘Please plant the seed here in my heart.’

His face lit up with a glad smile and he said with a note of joy in his voice, ‘Now you will be able to go with me to the High Places and be a citizen in the Kingdom of my Father.’

Then he pressed the thorn into her heart. It was true, just as he had said, it did cause a piercing pain, but it slipped in quickly and then, suddenly, sweetness she had never felt or imagined before tingled through her. It was bittersweet, but the sweetness was the stronger. She thought of the Shepherd’s words, ‘It is so happy to love,’ and her pale, sallow cheeks suddenly glowed pink and her eyes shown. For a moment Much-Afraid did not look afraid at all.”
― Hannah Hurnard, “Hinds Feet For High Places”

For Much Afraid, and for many of us, being willing to embrace the pain that put us in the Valley of Humiliation is the first and greatest step towards freedom from fear, bitterness, anger, resentment, jealously.

Christ Jesus dwells in the High Places, and He desires us to be in the High Places with Him.  But we cannot drag our human weights of resentment, hurt etc with us as we try to climb higher. Instead we must choose to leave them behind as we seek higher ground.
 
I have discovered that the letting go of unhealthy feelings is a decision; an act of obedience. Nothing more than a  simple choice to obey God’s word on the matter.  

Let me explain: 
 
I used to think that I had to wait until I felt the freedom from the pain of rejection in my life. I would pray often for God to help me feel better about the lifetime of bullying I had endured at the Craven Fear in my life.

• To be free from the FEELING of deep hurt and rejection.
• To be free from the FEELING of sheer panic every time I knew there was going to be an encounter with Craven Fear.
• To be free from the FEELING of shame that I wore as some sort of twisted security blanket.

But then I realized that no matter how hard I prayed, the FEELINGSwould rise up at the most unexpected moments and cause me to convulse like someone suddenly struck with food poisoning.  

• A childhood memory would flash fresh across my consciousness.
• The benign rejection of a co-worker would strike a blow at the soul level.
• Anger over the most insignificant of issues would threaten my peace.

“How can I get rid of these FEELINGS?” I cried to God.

And then, as is so often the case, the Gentle Shepherd came to me in His still small voice:

“The High Places are not attained through feelings, but through decision.”

• A DECISION, to honor the Craven Fear in my life because God’s word says to. (Exodus 20:12)
• A DECISION not to return shame for shame. (Matthew 5:39)
• A DECISION to forget the offences done to me. To stop mulling them over. To not base a current relationship on past injustices. (I Corinthians 13)

Dr. James Hughes, a Psychologist based out of Dallas, Texas confirms this:   

“Your feelings will get you nowhere in life. But your CHOICES will get you everywhere. It is your CHOICES that have brought you to the place in life you are at this moment.”

What feelings do you struggle with? How do you deal with them? Do you see the value in choosing to move forward - whether you feel like it or not?

Join the discussion. Your thoughts/opinions are important to me. Leave a post and let's talk about it.

-Debbie

Choose

I used to think that joy was a feeling that came and went at its choosing. After all, which of us can control our feelings? The psychologist tells us there are no right or wrong feelings. Whatever we feel, is okay, they say. It’s what we choose to do with those feelings that make the difference.


For example, I can be angry because the guy next to me cut me off in traffic. The feeling of anger I cannot control (according the experts) but how I react I can control. In other words, I can choose to smile at my fellow driver even though he almost ran me off the road, or I can launch into flailing my arms and shouting obscenities. The choice is mine, they say.

For most of my Christian walk I believed this theory, and struggled often to rid myself of the tumultuous, unholy feelings that would arise within me: anger, rebellion, jealously etc. I’d pray often and hard, only to get bumped along life’s road and feel a twinge of the above mentioned feelings. Then I’d sink into despair assuming I was not the Christian woman I professed to be because these ungodly, unholy feelings obviously still abided within me. I’d pray until the negative feelings abated and go about my merry way until the next time.

But recently, I’ve realized that joy or acceptance or forgiveness seems to be much more about choosing and decisions than feelings. Let me explain:

I have a problem for quite sometime with “X”, a young woman who has damaged my whole family structure. Each time her name is mentioned, my insides twist and wrench in pain because of the confusion and division she’s caused. I’ve been praying about my negative feelings towards her and my struggle to forgive her without much relief from the hurt. I guess I kept waiting for God to miraculously lift my anger and resentment. But I’ve finally figured out it doesn’t work that way. At least for me it doesn’t.

So I decided to let go of my frustration with “X”. To forget about it, to treat her as I would any other person I’m trying to minister to. It was an intellectual decision. I know what is right. I know what the word of God says, so I simply chose to obey the word and trust that perhaps one day my feelings will follow.

There is a quote from the movie “First Night” with a very handsome older actor who’s name escapes me at the moment, Richard Gere(sp?) and an attractive younger woman. The younger woman is married to the king (the older actor) but has become increasingly more attracted to Richard Gere. When the king finds out about it, his wife acknowledges her feelings for Richard Gere, but says “It is my will that sets my course, not my feelings. And my will chooses you.”

That quote resonates with me, although it may not be the best analogy since I think she eventually does go with Gere – (if anyone knows please help me straighten out my facts).

But my point is our choosing does indeed set the course for our feelings. Perhaps that is why the scripture says “Choose you this day whom you will serve…” note, it does not say See how if you feel and see if you want to serve the Lord.

So on this Friday morning, as I’m trying to hurriedly finish because I have to go to work, I think it’s important to acknowledge that part of living every day with Jesus is living in the valley of decision where our feelings and responses are concerned. May you choose well today my friend.