WORDS: Life or Death?

^“Words satisfy the mind as much as fruit does the stomach;
good talk is as gratifying as a good harvest.

Words kill, words give life;
they're either poison or fruit—you choose.” –Proverbs 18:21 (The Message)

As the writer of Proverbs so aptly put it, words can give you strength or make you sick.  Another translation puts this verse even more succinctly: “there is death and life in the power of the tongue.” – (KJV)

Think about it.

What is your fondest memory? Who was part of that memory? And what kind of words did they speak to you?  

For me, it was my grandfather: a happy, faith-filled man who showered me with unconditional love and affirmation. In the negativity of my childhood, my grandfather was a bright, positive force. His strong hugs, jovial laughs, and words of kindness soothed my spirit. He made me feel good about myself then – and he still does now.

Me & My Grandfather

So naturally, I am drawn to him.  Who wouldn’t be? We all have an innate desire to be loved. And when we have someone who will share their love with us, we thrive.  

Yet there is so much unkindness in the world. So many hurtful words uttered; so much belittling done. So much anger spewed out.  

The news media reports almost daily of somebody somewhere who has been abused or battered by someone that was supposed to love them, care for them; provide for them.

And why is that? Why do people hurt each other?

The short answer is because hurting people hurt others.

The long answer can be found in the following excerpt from www.mentalhelp.com

          Why Do People Abuse?

The first question, "Why do people abuse other people?" has multiple answers. Some abusers learned to abuse from their parents. Their early history consisted of receiving abuse themselves and/or seeing others abused (one parent abusing the other or their sibling, etc.). As a consequence, abuse is the normal condition of life for these people. Such people internalized a particular relationship dynamic, namely the complementary roles of "abuser" and "victim". They are familiar with and fully understand the terror of being the helpless victim from their own childhood experience. The opposite of being a victim is not simply opting out of abuse; it is instead, to be abusive. Given the choice between being the out-of-control victim, or the in-control abuser, some of these people grow up to prefer the role of the abuser. As they become adults, they simply turn this relationship dynamic around and start acting out the "abuser" side of the relationship dynamic they have learned. By choosing to be the aggressor and abuser, they may get their first sense of taking control over their own destiny and not being at the mercy of others. That they hurt others in the process may go unregistered or only occur as a dim part of their awareness.

Of course there are many types of abuse with varying degrees of intensity.  But for the purpose of this discussion, let’s consider the words that were spoken into our life growing up – and the words we speak into the lives of others.

Growing Up

Whose words influenced you the most as a child? Think about that person. Was their overall impact on you positive or negative?

For me, it was mostly negative. There were good times and good memories but they are overshadowed by the all too frequent burst of anger and belittlement.

And to this day, some 45 years later, whenever I see this person there is a part of me that holds my breath and hopes that we can have a healthy exchange of words that are sincere and uplifting. And as of this writing, and with the help and grace of Christ, we are getting there.

What Jesus Says

Proverbs 18 told us that our words bring life or death. But the Holy Bible also tells us that we will give an account to God for every word we ever uttered:

But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. (Matthew 12:36)

I like the way The Message translation explains this same full passage:

"You have minds like a snake pit! How do you suppose what you say is worth anything when you are so foul-minded? It's your heart, not the dictionary, that gives meaning to your words. A good person produces good deeds and words season after season. An evil person is a blight on the orchard. Let me tell you something: Every one of these careless words is going to come back to haunt you. There will be a time of Reckoning. Words are powerful; take them seriously. Words can be your salvation. Words can also be your damnation." (Matthew 12:35-37)

The Words We Speak Now

So according to the scripture, every word we speak will one day be judged by God.

That means…

…Every hurtful word we’ve uttered.

…Every word that built someone up.

…Every word that tore someone down.

…Every word that expressed appreciation.

…And every word that deflated another’s sense of self.

The words we’ve spoken, and the words that have been spoken to us are on epitaphs, in books, and in the recesses of our minds.

They echo back to us from our childhood; and they frame the adults we are today.

So choose your words wisely. Consider the effect they will have now and in the future. Your eternal destiny may depend on it.

Prologue

The pictures featured in this post are of me and my best friend. She gave me the crazy pink duct tape as a fun reminder that I had the power through Christ to shut the devil’s mouth should he try to influence anyone to verbally abuse me.

The tape has served me well, and as you can see, we had quite a bit of fun with it.

I write a lot about the power of words mostly because I know what it feels like to be damaged by them. But also, because since I have been magnificently filled with the Holy Spirit (Acts 2), I have learned to speak words of affirmation to others and seen first-hand how joyously they respond.

Comments

Please tell me about how the words of others have affected your life. Your contribution is what makes this blog thrive!

BREACHES

Sometimes, even in the best of relationships, conflict happens.

The wrong tone of voice is used.

Sarcasm goes too far.

Personal boundaries are tramped on.

And graces are taken advantage of.

It’s happened to all of us.

And depending on the depth and dynamics of the breach we either move on, or carry the breach within us like sediment at the bottom of a murky lake.

Say for example the breach was with the person who stole the parking space you were waiting for. You might get angry for a few minutes, and even exchange a heated gesture or two. But in the whole grand scheme of your life’s relationships, a parking lot fray is just that – a fray. No real big deal.

But if the breach is with a co-worker... then the ante goes up. You need to interact with them in order to do your job. You may not have an emotional attachment to the person you are at odds with, but in order  to function at work there  needs to be a healthy amount of interchange; and contention can make that difficult.

And if the breach is with one of your primary relationships like a spouse, child or parent then it generally is all consuming. The ‘how could they’s’ or ‘how dare they’s’ invade your emotional core like a disaster siren blaring in your neighborhood warning of the impending tornado.

 Your instincts tell you to take cover. Yet you stand still hoping you and your loved one will reconcile. That your relationship will improve. That mutual respect and understanding will prevail.

But that isn’t always the case, and sometimes we are left with trying to navigate heart wrenching breaches while maintaining a semblance of joy and functionality.

So what do we do in the meantime?

PRAY

When I am upset about something someone has done to me the first thing I do is to talk to God about it. He is my first line of defense against over reacting and saying or doing more than I should about the situation. It is amazingly effective and brings things into perspective quickly.

For example, not long ago I was upset about something my boss did. I felt a decision she made about a situation was unfair. But instead of grumbling about it, I bowed my head and ‘told on her to God’. Honestly, like a little kid running to their daddy about a playmate who wouldn’t share the sandbox, I tattled on my boss to Jesus.  

And as I was whining to God about the perceived injustice Romans 13 was quickened to my mind:

“Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. ...Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.”

Ouch.

Let EVERY SOUL be SUBJECT unto the higher powers? For there is NO POWER BUT OF GOD?

That means that God placed my boss in authority over me and therefore I needed to accept that, quit complaining and honor God’s sovereignty in the matter by humbly complying.

READ THE BIBLE

By making Bible reading a daily habit in my life, my mind ‘bank’ is filled with God’s truth. And since I have deposited so many scriptures into my memory, it is easier for God to ‘withdraw’ or bring to the forefront appropriate scripture when I need it to remind me of God’s opinion on the matter.

PRACTICE THE FRUITS OF THE SPIRIT

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23)

Training myself to practice – to implement the fruits of the spirit into my day-to-day life helps me to respond more appropriately when my feelings are hurt. Because the habit of goodness has been formed in me, there is a reservoir of goodness memories for me to draw from and hopefully tap into when unpleasantness invades my relationships.

I like the way The Message explains the fruits of the spirit:

^“But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.” (Galatians 5:22-23, from The Message)

So what about you?

 How do you handle relationship problems in your life?

Have you experience breaches in your work or personal life?

 Leave a comment and share your insights so that we all may learn and grow.

You

Good Morning My Sweet Readers! I have been thinking of you alot and praying for you. :-)

Sometimes, I go to my Statcounter link to see what geographical areas those who visit my blog are coming from. I get excited and praise God when I discover that some of you are from Switzerland and Ghana and other far off places. Oh how wonderful our Lord Jesus is to knit us together across the oceans!

I also spend time each morning praying for you! Sometimes it's a generic, 'God bless those who read my blog and impart your truth to them today.' But sometimes it's much more specific - especially if you've left a comment or been a return visitor. Then I thank God profusely for your choosing to visit my blog and I ask God for many wonderful things for you, or I intercede for a need of yours that He might lay on my heart.

That is the most wonderful part about living every day with Jesus. When we are truly keyed into the body of Christ, albiet in our local church or across the internet waves, He moves on us in prayer - and often with 'groanings which cannot be uttered' which then skip across the continents to meet the specific needs of each individual prayed for.

So today, as I'm drinking the last drop of my morning coffee and getting ready to rush out the door for work (I rush often don't I? LOL) I am thanking God immensely that part of living every day with Jesus is enjoying the support and fellowship of wonderful people just like yourself!

I honestly and truly would like to get to know you better. Won't you leave a comment and extend a virtual hand of friendship to me????

Have a blessed and strengthened day. And may you too feel the joy of living every day with Jesus!